I've got the mad skills

I don’t need to impress any men. I've got one, and even then he's easily impressed.
"Your features are nicely arranged on your face"
But there's one I really want to impress.


My tutor.

Before you say eww and run off to make a sexual harassment claim on his behalf , stop! It's not in that way.

I want to impress him with my mad shorthand skills. I've been taking rather alot recently and I think he'd be really proud. I don't know about passing to the super crazy 97% but I'm better than the average bear. [It helps having opposeable thumbs] I've used so much shorthand he'll be sending a department email out about me, instead of those make-me-want-to-sick-in-my-mouth cert students.

You'll see. He wasn't half bad today when we had our weekly meeting. Usually he alternates between making me teary and getting along with me quite well. And what makes it worse, he has the elusive gift of the gab.
Futher updates to come.

She's so dumb, rip her to shreads

The first week of internship is over and I've realised I need to get meaner.

I'm not talking rough tough wild west mean.

More like a quasi mix of gossip girl mean crossed with the mean persistance of a bounty hunter.

Journos are ruthless....

Fwends

I've been socially accepted! 

Thursday night drinks journo drinks, I was there. We were sneeky! We snuck like sneeks.

I only had to leave so I could have tea before going out to have some photos. Otherwise I still would be there.

!!! 

P.s Weasel where are you going on work experiance? Other diploma guys weren't too sure. Express?

" I'm always home. I'm uncool."

I used to be scared that I would be like the nerdy guy from Almost Famous while on my internship.  If you haven't seen that movie, pause, stop reading, grab your keys and proceed to the nearest exit, then jump in your car and going to the video store and hire it.

Anyway, basically geeky young journalist boy writes obsessively and ditto listening to old rock. I am like young journalist boy, albeit nads and about 8ish years older. As a 16 year old a beautiful older lead singer and led zepp fan told me i would end up just like little journalist boy. Beautiful singer lives in wellington now, and is an actor and I am... a junior journalist. 

Cruel fate. 

One crucial detail, however, sets me aside from the young William Miller character... A blind self-belief. He introducted himself to everyone, name dropped to everyone. I however, talk to noone at the office except supervisor and George. Nice.

But there is hope; he got deflowered, got angry then finally realised he was uncool. Check, check, check - now all i  need to do is get angry.

"Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and pissed off! And I could be very dangerous to all of you! You should know that about me... I am the enemy!"

I...love....that....movie. 

When i grow up

Sometimes I feel as if I do not know what I want to do in life. How does one decide this? Or do people go through life in jobs they hate just for the sake of partisipating in the labour force?

FML, since starting on internship I've finished one story and half done another two. Coinsidently they have all been on school related topics. Up-side is that I'm allowed actual breaks unlike everyone of my jobs bar one. And there's sometimes food.

I have come to the conclusion that I want to be a professional learner, to just study some interesting things and if I do by chance have to enter the work force, I will be so well skilled that I can be something cool, like a professer. Those who can't do teach right? Therefore, I can talk down to people in fancy words and everyone will by default think I'm cool.

Even my bloggability is slipping. FML

Self confidence and vans

When I grow up I want to be .... cool.

Trying to be cool quote of the day. Campbell live reporter: "It's floating better than i've ever seen a van float." - because you've seen a lot of vans float?!?!?!

Like I've explained before, sometimes you meet people that you just want to be friends with. In essence they are cool. One day i will be cool.

What are your tips? 

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'm paranoid about tomorrow

Tomorrow is internship. Andrei is not scared, I however am.

I have many questions for you all:

1. Should I bake cupcakes tonight and take 3 or 4 in the hope that someone may remark that they look great. Then want to be my friend when I give them one?

2. Is it ever ok to wear a hot-pink pencil skirt to a professional job?

3. Should I take my vast post-it collection tomorrow? Or wait a few days?

4. Will I be invited to after-work drinks?

5. Will I start reading Perez Hilton and start using the words "scrummy" and "nom noms"?

6. Should I take up smoking so I have an excuse to hang out with my co-workers?

There's a reason why doctors say nervous dispositioned people shouldn't consume caffeine....

On a lighter note: you can't spell slaughter without laughter

Internet words

Recently, I've been reading a lot of my life is average. And in due fashion, I came up with my own. [My life is so average, though I doubt my submissions would be posted]

Yesterday, I went to a sausage sizzle [nothing unusual here] and the pretty young man asked me if I would like my sausage straight or diagonal on the bread. MLIA

That made me think. When doing things in the marketplace or in any sort of advertising, people must ensure that the needs and wants of others are taken into account.

In a way, writing for the internet is much like the being the [pretty] man handing out sausages. [see what I did there]

I thought i'd relate e-writing to one of my favorite topics, food.

1. The internet is in real-time. Newspapers and magazines are not. If a reader has a query about a story they can comment on it straightaway. On websites like stuff.co.nz readers can post questions and comments instantly. With newspapers, the reader's rants and concerns might not be published till the next day. Much like the man with the sausages, I can give instant feedback if my snack was undercooked.

2. The internet is like a food court. There are millions and billions of sites people could go to. You need to attract them to yours. Much like signage, there's certain things that make your site attractive. According to a somewhat ditzy magazine exec, "pictures are the new words". Why use 1000s of words when one picture will suffice. Same goes for site navigation, make it easy for readers to traverse your site.

3. E-writing needs to be timely. Picture this: you go to your favourite fish and chip shop [insert different food type here] to get your weekly fix. But when you get it the food is cold, shriveled and smells off. It would make you mad, right? Likewise, no one likes logging onto their favourite news site to see information that broke in the media weeks ago. Keep it timely and fresh, because there's plenty of other sites to go to. The best thing about the net is that content is updateable. As new information comes in you can post it.

4. It needs to be casual. Not too casual however, we all know about my love for punctuation and spelling mistake websites. If writing for the internet was a restaurant, it would be more smart casual than black-tie. The tip here is to make it conversational and less formal than a newspaper.

5. Don't overwhelm readers. We all know daunting it is when faced with a ginormous menu. With this fact in mind, make it easy for your readers. Place text into easy to read paragraphs not 1 huge block. If in doubt think of chocolate - no one [that I'm aware of] eats a family sized block in one bite. That's why it's in segments. Let that fact inspire your writing - several little parts rather than a BIG part.

E-writing is a bit like making a Soufflé, it may fall flat the first few times, but just follow some tips and keep trying.

Dear Erica... I mean, Dangeresque...

Some people I think I am dangerous, I am not. By anymeans. Some people, however are. I may have survived the past 2 weeks on nothing more than rice and lentils but I am in no way risky. My limit is going to SEX-ercise, and now it't been changed to "goddess" class, so I sound way less cool slash dangerous slash bad. Now it just sounds like some women's empowerment class.
Once upon a time I was crazy and wild. I used to find myself at a good amount of random parties, random cars and hanging with random people. I once found myself hanging out by a stove for *no* apparant reason with a internationally famous dj at someone's flat in South City. I must reiterate it was for "no" apparant reason. Danger? I laughed in the face of danger. Camping in the snow, bathroom parties, mightnight walks. Likewise I found myself hitching to Timaru with a truck carrying frozen meat in the back and live rabbits in the cab. Bar hopping at 16, then instead of paying $10 divided by 4 for a taxi we'd just walk... several kms.

Geeky things I enjoy:

1. wearning my pjs as much as humanly possible (And yes, I do have a onesie pjama suit, however they do not make adult ones with feet.)

2. Planning meals. I have my next 15 dinner meals planned, and a good number of lunches

3. Cutting out good recipies and pasting them into a book. There must be more of us on the internet? Links wanted. I know of one other person who delights in this practice, needless to say we are friends.

4. Reading self development books. I, however detest calling them self-help. I have a good number of them.

5. Reading books because I think I should. I know certain books should be read, because that's just what you do. Eg Lolita, War and Peace and Picture of Dorian Grey; which is co-incidently beign made into a movie. That they hope to attract teenagers to. Good Luck guys.


Misc: having a tea pot collection, silky scarf collection, soaking my own lentils/chickpeas rather than resorting to canned.

Well, I'm off to do something overwhelmingly exciting, finish my dissertation which is not due will the 25th of this month. One day I hope to be rebellious like Dragon Man and do my assignments one night before.. or at 5am on the day. One day also, I will say yes to everything I get asked to do. But I am still working up to this.

Your imput is needed.

Working hard or hardly working

Some people [misguided souls] think I do work while at my work station. This rarely ever happens. I use a large preportion of my time either:

1. Blogging

2. Reading blogs

3. looking at funny pictures

4. googling things

5. googling myself

6. Facebook

If it were to be represented pictorially it would be like this:

I hear procrastination is catching, be careful! I am in want of passing on my habit though links and anecdotes. My latest is: http://graphjam.com/ it is aaaaaaamazing!

Do any of you wonder why i've failed shorthand twice.

Send me your favourites time wasting sites, stalkers

Granny's Girl

Today, as I ate cheap and nasty noodles, I overheard this in the student lunch room (3 students sitting around eating lunch)

"I don't know how i'm going to keep living at xxxxxx (apartment complex) next year since my grandma won't be paying my rent anymore" (As she tucked into a takeaway)

That really ground my gears. A certain song comes to mind. Can you guess? Uh-uh. Why don't you get a job?

There are two ways have more money. It's not rocket science.

1. Make MORE money - sell your kidneys, sell your kids. Get a job. I don't care what you do, we may have somewhat of a recession, but Mc Donolds is always hiring.

2. Spend less money - ditch the takeaway, you didn't need it, trust me. Ditch your pricey apartment style living, from memory that complex over $200 bucks a week, not counting food and parking costs. Rents here are pretty cheap by compairson. You can get a pretty decent room for $70 - 100 here.

In ode to stupid girl I've composed the top 5 ways to get more money:

1. According to 20/20 there are actually people that think they're vampires, right here on our fair shores. Find them, blood for money.

2. Sell your stuff. People love random crap. Fruit shaped like celebs? You're on to a winner.

3. Drug testing. There are advertisments for this in the news all the time and I've even found them on student job search. They tested LSD on volunteers , who know you might be on to something. The flip side of that is get people to pay you for clean urine to be used for drug tests they may have to take. Workplaces, gyms, you'll be rolling in it.

4. Get sent to prison. This may not do wonders for your future career prospects but hey! it reduces your living expenses and you can even study in prison.

5. Personal complement. Low self-esteem. Why not hire a poor student. Your bum looks great in that! That cream bun will not go straight to your thighs.

Quote of the day

I must, before quoting provide some context. This is what good little journalists do. Good journalists should also know SOME general knowledge eg colours. Just like the one next to me in class who didn't actually know who to use an ' . It's nice to know we are well and comprehensively trained. That statement also feels like a Tui Billboard.

Again, i digress. Andrei is wearing a shirt with a unicorn sitting in what I presume to be water. Except the wording on the shirt says "horse".

"It's not a unicorn, it's a horse with a strap-on"

[Today: Noodles, soup sachets, kiwi fruit. No milk left]

I'm a people person, but......

Food update: hungry. Lots of rice involved. Mince and pasta tonight - not spag bol because tomatoes ran out days ago. Noodles tomorrow me thinks. I hate instant noodles. 

Anyway, I like to think I have some tact, I like to think I have atleast some social skills. Some people however, do not or very seldom use them. There are two kinds of social-skillless people - those who have never learnt them (parenting, some sort of illness or maybe they just wanted to toe the line)  and those who fail to put them into practice. In the latter case they make me feel somewhat good about myself. 

Situation: at gig at nice bar. Female xxxxxxxxxxx (Weasel knows them, and no that isn't the right amout of x's - I will not make that mistake) was taking photos of the preformer. Insted of saying hello or making polite small talk which is one is inclined to do when they know each other but not that well they said "are you f---ing drunk?".  This is not something I would say. And i especially hope it wasn't like a "because I am too" question because she had a camera and a flash unit which if broken would make my heart cry blood. 

I digress, then there was other departmental female xxxxxxxxxx (again incorrect x numbers) that told me I should go to the night in question in the first place. On arrival a young man pauses to photograph me, in which she runs in to grab me and pose. And fails to aknowledge me again...the whole night. When one encourages someone to attend something it may be common (or prehaps not?) to make atleast social chit-chat with them? 

Or am I prehaps wrong and very old fashioned? I have come to the conclusion that i need to be meaner. In the case of some people I do not struggle to do this, I think I may have to extend it to all humanity. Failing that open my own Miss Erica-May manners school which i shall rule over with a gloved fist. 

Which? You decide

I am starving

Breakfast: stale bread with cheese and expired ham. mmmm

Lunch: bowl of rice.

Dinner: going to be leftover sausage pasta mmm.

This starvation will all be worth it when I get my degree and I'm headhunted for a job.

Why do I feel like that should be Tui billboard?

Still haven't been shopping yet. Car needs oil.

Sneeky feelings

WE NOW INTERRUPT THIS BLOG UPDATE: it's day 2 of the use all food project [tentitivly titled food/faith project] Last night split pea dahl & rice (alot of leftovers) and free student lunch today. Dinner at CanTeen (the society not the place) and they gave me more to add to leftover pile. Tomorrow = sausage rice surprise leftover special. From then, who knows? What I do know is that I'll be keeping you posted.

BACK TO OUR SCHEDULED BLOG -

I've written before about the past time of social network stalking, especially ex stalking (cmon everybody does it)

I had a bit of a moment, just a few minutes ago. I was a on a friends page, not a very good friend, actually he used to boarderline stalk me (but that's another story) and I saw in his friends box a girl who had a display picture with my what looked like my ex boy in it. It was like I was a robot, or possesed, or a crazy ex. But you guessed it people, I clicked anyway.

Let's give this story abit of background. I and, shall we call him le carrot dated for maybe 3 months... 2 and a half years ago. And that was fine, after the intial awkward time because we lived in the same hall of residence. We got over it, I got over it. I got other boyfriends. I got engaged. But I clicked anyway...

He has a girlfriend, her page wasn't secure so i could view it and it's true. He even called her 'babe' (fingers down throat moment). You know what I mean. Ok so it's a double standard on my part, it's pretty legit get another other half , it's a fact of life. There's all these questions - is she prettier? do his friends like her more? Why is going out with her, he never goes out with anyone?

Is this normal? Do other people feel this way? Should exs be banned from Facebook?

Though I did have the slightly smarmy feeling when posting my relationship status as 'engaged' and him posting a comment. And I do have a pretty ring, and Kieran doesn't have what was commonly titled by many of my friends as "shit locks" lazy mans dreadlocks [read: 3 dreadlocks that occur when one does not brush his hair] and Kieran doesn't spend our going to the zoo money on smokes.

I'm feeling better already.......

Food, Food glorious food

I've just had to stop myself for a second there, at risk of typing what is in my brain. I stopped myself typing my own bank account details. I know all the jazz about it being dangerous and money stealing et al but even if they were to do this (which i'm sure would be rediculously easy) they would have nothing to steal. Infact it might even be preferable, they would take hold of my account. And my debt. If it was acual money they wanted, it would come in once a week for just long enough to be able to catch it's breath. Before being zapped for my rent. Fools.

So what I'm trying to say, is that I have very little money. Infact, I own $507 debt. This is not even suppost to be possible, because my over draft is only $500. I digress. This fact, I thought in my brain calls for some sort of game. The game goes something like this: money is required for food, when one has money (and reqires food) they go to the market(super or otherwise) to purchase food. I have not had that experaince in one and a half weeks. It's the lets-see-what-I-can-eat- that-I-have-in-my-home game. So i'm poised, and you as readers should be too. For an array of interesting food releated blog posts. I sense some interesting and slightly nutritionally desolate meals to come.

Watch this space...

Brrrr it's cold here

I have come to the conclusion that shops are meanies. As you may have noticed, spring fashion is out in stores. But very seldom is spring weather in real life. Little shorts, cotton dresses, maxi dresses, vests, linen. All wasted. Today I am wearing (at the risk of sounding like a deranged chat-line lady) chucks, warm socks, jeans, long sleeved & kidney covering top (my parents were staunch on the kidney covering rule, i'm no doctor but I'm sure one doesn't get kidney disease by riding up tops) a thick wool scarf and a coat...In doors.
Aside from the one carrot huded scary chick at tech (who wore shorts and slip on shoes on a snow day) everyone else wears similar attire give or take abit.

Well, flights to Fiji have hit a all time low $269 each way. Keen.

The big P

I am procrastinating. This rabbit is not Batman. He may bite if faced with the prospect of that hat, or eat it.

Lets be fwends!

Sme people are just cool. I like to think I am one of these few and far between inderviduals. Thought, sadly this may be a oversight on my part. Some people just have this sort of charisma, the gift of the gab, the tingle in their fingers, tingle in their toes. My friend Helen has the gabbing gift that I quite often lack. She's kissed the Blarney stone, so there is hope for me yet. Or to be one of those people that when they say something everyone just laughs. Even though it's not really funny. I met one of those people today. School Girl, most likely about 17 or 18 years old. But i had this urge to be her friend. She was just so funny. Everyone knew it and everyone expected it. I had my fist to that. I do, however own a book about how to make social chit-chat in all situations. Purchased of course, as always with my 25% work discount

As many of you will not know (because it's not something I frequently publicise) but I love The Princess Bride movie. Best...quote....ever

Blah

NB: I'm engaged. And also out of blogging ideas.