Internet words

Recently, I've been reading a lot of my life is average. And in due fashion, I came up with my own. [My life is so average, though I doubt my submissions would be posted]

Yesterday, I went to a sausage sizzle [nothing unusual here] and the pretty young man asked me if I would like my sausage straight or diagonal on the bread. MLIA

That made me think. When doing things in the marketplace or in any sort of advertising, people must ensure that the needs and wants of others are taken into account.

In a way, writing for the internet is much like the being the [pretty] man handing out sausages. [see what I did there]

I thought i'd relate e-writing to one of my favorite topics, food.

1. The internet is in real-time. Newspapers and magazines are not. If a reader has a query about a story they can comment on it straightaway. On websites like stuff.co.nz readers can post questions and comments instantly. With newspapers, the reader's rants and concerns might not be published till the next day. Much like the man with the sausages, I can give instant feedback if my snack was undercooked.

2. The internet is like a food court. There are millions and billions of sites people could go to. You need to attract them to yours. Much like signage, there's certain things that make your site attractive. According to a somewhat ditzy magazine exec, "pictures are the new words". Why use 1000s of words when one picture will suffice. Same goes for site navigation, make it easy for readers to traverse your site.

3. E-writing needs to be timely. Picture this: you go to your favourite fish and chip shop [insert different food type here] to get your weekly fix. But when you get it the food is cold, shriveled and smells off. It would make you mad, right? Likewise, no one likes logging onto their favourite news site to see information that broke in the media weeks ago. Keep it timely and fresh, because there's plenty of other sites to go to. The best thing about the net is that content is updateable. As new information comes in you can post it.

4. It needs to be casual. Not too casual however, we all know about my love for punctuation and spelling mistake websites. If writing for the internet was a restaurant, it would be more smart casual than black-tie. The tip here is to make it conversational and less formal than a newspaper.

5. Don't overwhelm readers. We all know daunting it is when faced with a ginormous menu. With this fact in mind, make it easy for your readers. Place text into easy to read paragraphs not 1 huge block. If in doubt think of chocolate - no one [that I'm aware of] eats a family sized block in one bite. That's why it's in segments. Let that fact inspire your writing - several little parts rather than a BIG part.

E-writing is a bit like making a Soufflé, it may fall flat the first few times, but just follow some tips and keep trying.

Working hard or hardly working

Some people [misguided souls] think I do work while at my work station. This rarely ever happens. I use a large preportion of my time either:

1. Blogging

2. Reading blogs

3. looking at funny pictures

4. googling things

5. googling myself

6. Facebook

If it were to be represented pictorially it would be like this:

I hear procrastination is catching, be careful! I am in want of passing on my habit though links and anecdotes. My latest is: http://graphjam.com/ it is aaaaaaamazing!

Do any of you wonder why i've failed shorthand twice.

Send me your favourites time wasting sites, stalkers

What is up?

I must admit, that this post was inspired in part about a post I read the other about the very impressive and slightly time consuming blog stalking.

Good effort One Fine Weasel

Social networking is about keeping up with friends.


That's what social networking is about right?

Wrong, social networking is about stalking people.

In the old days people called get 'keeping abreast' or 'keeping up with the play' with the lives of their friends and neighbours.

I prefer the term stalking. However, it's generally not the 'crazy eyes' or the cases we see on the television news. (just as a side point, please please never search crazy eyes on google images)

It all starts fairly innocently, you log to facebook/myspace/bebo [insert your obscure choice here] for what you think may be a 5 minute check, turns into HOURS.

Then as you check you startup page, you start wondering what Phil/Matt/samantha is up to then what their friends are up to, then who the friends of friends are up, the who the friends friends mother's are up to which in turn creates a horrible vortex flow on effect. (What an impressive run on sentence that was)

And then there is the potential for the ever present social gaff, the dreaded ex 'situation'. The internet is like the worst thing for exs and doomed-to-be-forever crushes. It used to be the only thing you had to worry about was seeing them on the street but now there are a miriad of ways to get the wonderful 'i wish the ground would open up and swallow me up' feeling.

There's the old-hat methods of drunk texting/calling but NOW there's also drunk facebooking which has the two pronged effect of either making you leave cringeworthy messages or over-checking their page.

Now you can find out exs numbers, relationship status, what parties they've been at and read their comments. Funnily enough that doesn't make you feel any better about the breakup. (unless they've now became unemployed and simultaneously contracted strange facial warts)

I must love you and leave you now,

E.

P.s is anyone stalking my blog. Not counting George (because she has to) and prehaps Robyn (because we're in the same class) I'd love you know about it.

P.P.S Any funny stalking experinces?

Sharing is caring

I've got a confession to make, I'm boring.

There I said it.

31? 31?

I only have 31 followers.

31 people people think I am interesting enough to subscribe to my tweets.

I had 45.

I more I lose people, the less motivation I have to tweet.

I mean I don't want to be too general "just hanging out" "watching tv"

Flip, but I don't want to be too neiche.

As with my previous post on Verbalis diarreais, some people (and we all know someone) who discloses way to much. And twitter just gives them an excuse to do this...on the internet.

Should I just send my twitter acount to the big cyber graveyard in the sky?

Any sugestions on getting to be more interesting

http://tiny.cc/OMLYy

This is for you random idiot

Somepeople are not too bright.

So, the flat is having problems with the wireless internet. It's whoosh so problems are nothing new. (This is a company where the customer knows the problem before the person on the end of the phone, and the company denies that they have acess in that city despite the person being a customer for 2 years)

We try search for our network. Insted we find a network called "[Female first name's]computer".

Someone wouldn't be as stupid as to put their username and password as the same thing would they?

Oh yes they would.

That's one level below not even securing at all.

Fools.

http://tiny.cc/cSt6Z

If i wanted a farm i'd be a damn farmer

Like many gen-Yers I have a facebook account. I post, I comment, chat. I will not degrade myself, however to gaming.

For those not on the wonder that is facebook, there a variety of games where you can be the mafia, pets, farmer or a fish or anything.

Here, any unfortunate FML about my 2nd most loathed app Mafia wars:

"Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML"

Likewise is farm town. Just leave me along alright? I don't want a chicken or a palm tree for my farm. The only sort of chicken I want is a nice big one with roast vege. If I wanted a tree (I'm not blessed with the gardening gene) I'd go and buy one from the garden centre and it would most likely promptly die.

I like cyber space. But I'm not THAT obsessed.

THIS JUST IN: Farmtown can not be found on facebook, bless. That's the best thing I've heard all day.

http://ontheweb.kimvallee.com/2009/03/farm-town-on-facebook/

I AM SO PISSED ABOUT MY FARM WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE DID IT GOOOOO!!!! I JUST GOT TALK OF THE TOWN!!!!! I AM REALLY SAD!!!!!!

On another internet note:
Anyone on second life? I've heard of it, but don't really know that much. Is is just like a better version of The Sims?