Internet words

Recently, I've been reading a lot of my life is average. And in due fashion, I came up with my own. [My life is so average, though I doubt my submissions would be posted]

Yesterday, I went to a sausage sizzle [nothing unusual here] and the pretty young man asked me if I would like my sausage straight or diagonal on the bread. MLIA

That made me think. When doing things in the marketplace or in any sort of advertising, people must ensure that the needs and wants of others are taken into account.

In a way, writing for the internet is much like the being the [pretty] man handing out sausages. [see what I did there]

I thought i'd relate e-writing to one of my favorite topics, food.

1. The internet is in real-time. Newspapers and magazines are not. If a reader has a query about a story they can comment on it straightaway. On websites like stuff.co.nz readers can post questions and comments instantly. With newspapers, the reader's rants and concerns might not be published till the next day. Much like the man with the sausages, I can give instant feedback if my snack was undercooked.

2. The internet is like a food court. There are millions and billions of sites people could go to. You need to attract them to yours. Much like signage, there's certain things that make your site attractive. According to a somewhat ditzy magazine exec, "pictures are the new words". Why use 1000s of words when one picture will suffice. Same goes for site navigation, make it easy for readers to traverse your site.

3. E-writing needs to be timely. Picture this: you go to your favourite fish and chip shop [insert different food type here] to get your weekly fix. But when you get it the food is cold, shriveled and smells off. It would make you mad, right? Likewise, no one likes logging onto their favourite news site to see information that broke in the media weeks ago. Keep it timely and fresh, because there's plenty of other sites to go to. The best thing about the net is that content is updateable. As new information comes in you can post it.

4. It needs to be casual. Not too casual however, we all know about my love for punctuation and spelling mistake websites. If writing for the internet was a restaurant, it would be more smart casual than black-tie. The tip here is to make it conversational and less formal than a newspaper.

5. Don't overwhelm readers. We all know daunting it is when faced with a ginormous menu. With this fact in mind, make it easy for your readers. Place text into easy to read paragraphs not 1 huge block. If in doubt think of chocolate - no one [that I'm aware of] eats a family sized block in one bite. That's why it's in segments. Let that fact inspire your writing - several little parts rather than a BIG part.

E-writing is a bit like making a Soufflé, it may fall flat the first few times, but just follow some tips and keep trying.

Dear Erica... I mean, Dangeresque...

Some people I think I am dangerous, I am not. By anymeans. Some people, however are. I may have survived the past 2 weeks on nothing more than rice and lentils but I am in no way risky. My limit is going to SEX-ercise, and now it't been changed to "goddess" class, so I sound way less cool slash dangerous slash bad. Now it just sounds like some women's empowerment class.
Once upon a time I was crazy and wild. I used to find myself at a good amount of random parties, random cars and hanging with random people. I once found myself hanging out by a stove for *no* apparant reason with a internationally famous dj at someone's flat in South City. I must reiterate it was for "no" apparant reason. Danger? I laughed in the face of danger. Camping in the snow, bathroom parties, mightnight walks. Likewise I found myself hitching to Timaru with a truck carrying frozen meat in the back and live rabbits in the cab. Bar hopping at 16, then instead of paying $10 divided by 4 for a taxi we'd just walk... several kms.

Geeky things I enjoy:

1. wearning my pjs as much as humanly possible (And yes, I do have a onesie pjama suit, however they do not make adult ones with feet.)

2. Planning meals. I have my next 15 dinner meals planned, and a good number of lunches

3. Cutting out good recipies and pasting them into a book. There must be more of us on the internet? Links wanted. I know of one other person who delights in this practice, needless to say we are friends.

4. Reading self development books. I, however detest calling them self-help. I have a good number of them.

5. Reading books because I think I should. I know certain books should be read, because that's just what you do. Eg Lolita, War and Peace and Picture of Dorian Grey; which is co-incidently beign made into a movie. That they hope to attract teenagers to. Good Luck guys.


Misc: having a tea pot collection, silky scarf collection, soaking my own lentils/chickpeas rather than resorting to canned.

Well, I'm off to do something overwhelmingly exciting, finish my dissertation which is not due will the 25th of this month. One day I hope to be rebellious like Dragon Man and do my assignments one night before.. or at 5am on the day. One day also, I will say yes to everything I get asked to do. But I am still working up to this.

Your imput is needed.

Working hard or hardly working

Some people [misguided souls] think I do work while at my work station. This rarely ever happens. I use a large preportion of my time either:

1. Blogging

2. Reading blogs

3. looking at funny pictures

4. googling things

5. googling myself

6. Facebook

If it were to be represented pictorially it would be like this:

I hear procrastination is catching, be careful! I am in want of passing on my habit though links and anecdotes. My latest is: http://graphjam.com/ it is aaaaaaamazing!

Do any of you wonder why i've failed shorthand twice.

Send me your favourites time wasting sites, stalkers

Granny's Girl

Today, as I ate cheap and nasty noodles, I overheard this in the student lunch room (3 students sitting around eating lunch)

"I don't know how i'm going to keep living at xxxxxx (apartment complex) next year since my grandma won't be paying my rent anymore" (As she tucked into a takeaway)

That really ground my gears. A certain song comes to mind. Can you guess? Uh-uh. Why don't you get a job?

There are two ways have more money. It's not rocket science.

1. Make MORE money - sell your kidneys, sell your kids. Get a job. I don't care what you do, we may have somewhat of a recession, but Mc Donolds is always hiring.

2. Spend less money - ditch the takeaway, you didn't need it, trust me. Ditch your pricey apartment style living, from memory that complex over $200 bucks a week, not counting food and parking costs. Rents here are pretty cheap by compairson. You can get a pretty decent room for $70 - 100 here.

In ode to stupid girl I've composed the top 5 ways to get more money:

1. According to 20/20 there are actually people that think they're vampires, right here on our fair shores. Find them, blood for money.

2. Sell your stuff. People love random crap. Fruit shaped like celebs? You're on to a winner.

3. Drug testing. There are advertisments for this in the news all the time and I've even found them on student job search. They tested LSD on volunteers , who know you might be on to something. The flip side of that is get people to pay you for clean urine to be used for drug tests they may have to take. Workplaces, gyms, you'll be rolling in it.

4. Get sent to prison. This may not do wonders for your future career prospects but hey! it reduces your living expenses and you can even study in prison.

5. Personal complement. Low self-esteem. Why not hire a poor student. Your bum looks great in that! That cream bun will not go straight to your thighs.

Quote of the day

I must, before quoting provide some context. This is what good little journalists do. Good journalists should also know SOME general knowledge eg colours. Just like the one next to me in class who didn't actually know who to use an ' . It's nice to know we are well and comprehensively trained. That statement also feels like a Tui Billboard.

Again, i digress. Andrei is wearing a shirt with a unicorn sitting in what I presume to be water. Except the wording on the shirt says "horse".

"It's not a unicorn, it's a horse with a strap-on"

[Today: Noodles, soup sachets, kiwi fruit. No milk left]

I'm a people person, but......

Food update: hungry. Lots of rice involved. Mince and pasta tonight - not spag bol because tomatoes ran out days ago. Noodles tomorrow me thinks. I hate instant noodles. 

Anyway, I like to think I have some tact, I like to think I have atleast some social skills. Some people however, do not or very seldom use them. There are two kinds of social-skillless people - those who have never learnt them (parenting, some sort of illness or maybe they just wanted to toe the line)  and those who fail to put them into practice. In the latter case they make me feel somewhat good about myself. 

Situation: at gig at nice bar. Female xxxxxxxxxxx (Weasel knows them, and no that isn't the right amout of x's - I will not make that mistake) was taking photos of the preformer. Insted of saying hello or making polite small talk which is one is inclined to do when they know each other but not that well they said "are you f---ing drunk?".  This is not something I would say. And i especially hope it wasn't like a "because I am too" question because she had a camera and a flash unit which if broken would make my heart cry blood. 

I digress, then there was other departmental female xxxxxxxxxx (again incorrect x numbers) that told me I should go to the night in question in the first place. On arrival a young man pauses to photograph me, in which she runs in to grab me and pose. And fails to aknowledge me again...the whole night. When one encourages someone to attend something it may be common (or prehaps not?) to make atleast social chit-chat with them? 

Or am I prehaps wrong and very old fashioned? I have come to the conclusion that i need to be meaner. In the case of some people I do not struggle to do this, I think I may have to extend it to all humanity. Failing that open my own Miss Erica-May manners school which i shall rule over with a gloved fist. 

Which? You decide

I am starving

Breakfast: stale bread with cheese and expired ham. mmmm

Lunch: bowl of rice.

Dinner: going to be leftover sausage pasta mmm.

This starvation will all be worth it when I get my degree and I'm headhunted for a job.

Why do I feel like that should be Tui billboard?

Still haven't been shopping yet. Car needs oil.