Theunitedstatesoferica

I've got the mad skills

2009-09-15T02:04:00.000-07:00

I don’t need to impress any men. I've got one, and even then he's easily impressed.
"Your features are nicely arranged on your face"
But there's one I really want to impress.

My tutor.

Before you say eww and run off to make a sexual harassment claim on his behalf , stop! It's not in that way.

I want to impress him with my mad shorthand skills. I've been taking rather alot recently and I think he'd be really proud. I don't know about passing to the super crazy 97% but I'm better than the average bear. [It helps having opposeable thumbs] I've used so much shorthand he'll be sending a department email out about me, instead of those make-me-want-to-sick-in-my-mouth cert students.

You'll see. He wasn't half bad today when we had our weekly meeting. Usually he alternates between making me teary and getting along with me quite well. And what makes it worse, he has the elusive gift of the gab.
Futher updates to come.

She's so dumb, rip her to shreads

2009-09-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

The first week of internship is over and I've realised I need to get meaner.

I'm not talking rough tough wild west mean.

More like a quasi mix of gossip girl mean crossed with the mean persistance of a bounty hunter.

Journos are ruthless....

Fwends

2009-09-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

I've been socially accepted!

Thursday night drinks journo drinks, I was there. We were sneeky! We snuck like sneeks.

I only had to leave so I could have tea before going out to have some photos. Otherwise I still would be there.

!!!

P.s Weasel where are you going on work experiance? Other diploma guys weren't too sure. Express?

" I'm always home. I'm uncool."

2009-09-08T23:36:00.000-07:00

I used to be scared that I would be like the nerdy guy from Almost Famous while on my internship. If you haven't seen that movie, pause, stop reading, grab your keys and proceed to the nearest exit, then jump in your car and going to the video store and hire it.

Anyway, basically geeky young journalist boy writes obsessively and ditto listening to old rock. I am like young journalist boy, albeit nads and about 8ish years older. As a 16 year old a beautiful older lead singer and led zepp fan told me i would end up just like little journalist boy. Beautiful singer lives in wellington now, and is an actor and I am... a junior journalist.

Cruel fate.

One crucial detail, however, sets me aside from the young William Miller character... A blind self-belief. He introducted himself to everyone, name dropped to everyone. I however, talk to noone at the office except supervisor and George. Nice.

But there is hope; he got deflowered, got angry then finally realised he was uncool. Check, check, check - now all i need to do is get angry.

"Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and pissed off! And I could be very dangerous to all of you! You should know that about me... I am the enemy!"

I...love....that....movie.

When i grow up

2009-09-08T02:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel as if I do not know what I want to do in life. How does one decide this? Or do people go through life in jobs they hate just for the sake of partisipating in the labour force?

FML, since starting on internship I've finished one story and half done another two. Coinsidently they have all been on school related topics. Up-side is that I'm allowed actual breaks unlike everyone of my jobs bar one. And there's sometimes food.

I have come to the conclusion that I want to be a professional learner, to just study some interesting things and if I do by chance have to enter the work force, I will be so well skilled that I can be something cool, like a professer. Those who can't do teach right? Therefore, I can talk down to people in fancy words and everyone will by default think I'm cool.

Even my bloggability is slipping. FML

Self confidence and vans

2009-09-06T23:54:00.000-07:00

When I grow up I want to be .... cool.

Trying to be cool quote of the day. Campbell live reporter: "It's floating better than i've ever seen a van float." - because you've seen a lot of vans float?!?!?!

Like I've explained before, sometimes you meet people that you just want to be friends with. In essence they are cool. One day i will be cool.

What are your tips?

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'm paranoid about tomorrow

2009-09-06T01:46:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is internship. Andrei is not scared, I however am.

I have many questions for you all:

1. Should I bake cupcakes tonight and take 3 or 4 in the hope that someone may remark that they look great. Then want to be my friend when I give them one?

2. Is it ever ok to wear a hot-pink pencil skirt to a professional job?

3. Should I take my vast post-it collection tomorrow? Or wait a few days?

4. Will I be invited to after-work drinks?

5. Will I start reading Perez Hilton and start using the words "scrummy" and "nom noms"?

6. Should I take up smoking so I have an excuse to hang out with my co-workers?

There's a reason why doctors say nervous dispositioned people shouldn't consume caffeine....

On a lighter note: you can't spell slaughter without laughter

Internet words

2009-09-06T00:07:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've been reading a lot of my life is average. And in due fashion, I came up with my own. [My life is so average, though I doubt my submissions would be posted]

Yesterday, I went to a sausage sizzle [nothing unusual here] and the pretty young man asked me if I would like my sausage straight or diagonal on the bread. MLIA

That made me think. When doing things in the marketplace or in any sort of advertising, people must ensure that the needs and wants of others are taken into account.

In a way, writing for the internet is much like the being the [pretty] man handing out sausages. [see what I did there]

I thought i'd relate e-writing to one of my favorite topics, food.

1. The internet is in real-time. Newspapers and magazines are not. If a reader has a query about a story they can comment on it straightaway. On websites like stuff.co.nz readers can post questions and comments instantly. With newspapers, the reader's rants and concerns might not be published till the next day. Much like the man with the sausages, I can give instant feedback if my snack was undercooked.

2. The internet is like a food court. There are millions and billions of sites people could go to. You need to attract them to yours. Much like signage, there's certain things that make your site attractive. According to a somewhat ditzy magazine exec, "pictures are the new words". Why use 1000s of words when one picture will suffice. Same goes for site navigation, make it easy for readers to traverse your site.

3. E-writing needs to be timely. Picture this: you go to your favourite fish and chip shop [insert different food type here] to get your weekly fix. But when you get it the food is cold, shriveled and smells off. It would make you mad, right? Likewise, no one likes logging onto their favourite news site to see information that broke in the media weeks ago. Keep it timely and fresh, because there's plenty of other sites to go to. The best thing about the net is that content is updateable. As new information comes in you can post it.

4. It needs to be casual. Not too casual however, we all know about my love for punctuation and spelling mistake websites. If writing for the internet was a restaurant, it would be more smart casual than black-tie. The tip here is to make it conversational and less formal than a newspaper.

5. Don't overwhelm readers. We all know daunting it is when faced with a ginormous menu. With this fact in mind, make it easy for your readers. Place text into easy to read paragraphs not 1 huge block. If in doubt think of chocolate - no one [that I'm aware of] eats a family sized block in one bite. That's why it's in segments. Let that fact inspire your writing - several little parts rather than a BIG part.

E-writing is a bit like making a Soufflé, it may fall flat the first few times, but just follow some tips and keep trying.

Dear Erica... I mean, Dangeresque...

2009-09-01T15:32:00.000-07:00

Some people I think I am dangerous, I am not. By anymeans. Some people, however are. I may have survived the past 2 weeks on nothing more than rice and lentils but I am in no way risky. My limit is going to SEX-ercise, and now it't been changed to "goddess" class, so I sound way less cool slash dangerous slash bad. Now it just sounds like some women's empowerment class.
Once upon a time I was crazy and wild. I used to find myself at a good amount of random parties, random cars and hanging with random people. I once found myself hanging out by a stove for *no* apparant reason with a internationally famous dj at someone's flat in South City. I must reiterate it was for "no" apparant reason. Danger? I laughed in the face of danger. Camping in the snow, bathroom parties, mightnight walks. Likewise I found myself hitching to Timaru with a truck carrying frozen meat in the back and live rabbits in the cab. Bar hopping at 16, then instead of paying $10 divided by 4 for a taxi we'd just walk... several kms.

Geeky things I enjoy:

1. wearning my pjs as much as humanly possible (And yes, I do have a onesie pjama suit, however they do not make adult ones with feet.)

2. Planning meals. I have my next 15 dinner meals planned, and a good number of lunches

3. Cutting out good recipies and pasting them into a book. There must be more of us on the internet? Links wanted. I know of one other person who delights in this practice, needless to say we are friends.

4. Reading self development books. I, however detest calling them self-help. I have a good number of them.

5. Reading books because I think I should. I know certain books should be read, because that's just what you do. Eg Lolita, War and Peace and Picture of Dorian Grey; which is co-incidently beign made into a movie. That they hope to attract teenagers to. Good Luck guys.

Misc: having a tea pot collection, silky scarf collection, soaking my own lentils/chickpeas rather than resorting to canned.

Well, I'm off to do something overwhelmingly exciting, finish my dissertation which is not due will the 25th of this month. One day I hope to be rebellious like Dragon Man and do my assignments one night before.. or at 5am on the day. One day also, I will say yes to everything I get asked to do. But I am still working up to this.

Your imput is needed.

Working hard or hardly working

2009-08-31T18:43:00.000-07:00

Some people [misguided souls] think I do work while at my work station. This rarely ever happens. I use a large preportion of my time either:

1. Blogging

2. Reading blogs

3. looking at funny pictures

4. googling things

5. googling myself

6. Facebook

If it were to be represented pictorially it would be like this:

I hear procrastination is catching, be careful! I am in want of passing on my habit though links and anecdotes. My latest is: http://graphjam.com/ it is aaaaaaamazing!

Do any of you wonder why i've failed shorthand twice.

Send me your favourites time wasting sites, stalkers

Granny's Girl

2009-08-30T18:16:00.000-07:00

Today, as I ate cheap and nasty noodles, I overheard this in the student lunch room (3 students sitting around eating lunch)

"I don't know how i'm going to keep living at xxxxxx (apartment complex) next year since my grandma won't be paying my rent anymore" (As she tucked into a takeaway)

That really ground my gears. A certain song comes to mind. Can you guess? Uh-uh. Why don't you get a job?

There are two ways have more money. It's not rocket science.

1. Make MORE money - sell your kidneys, sell your kids. Get a job. I don't care what you do, we may have somewhat of a recession, but Mc Donolds is always hiring.

2. Spend less money - ditch the takeaway, you didn't need it, trust me. Ditch your pricey apartment style living, from memory that complex over $200 bucks a week, not counting food and parking costs. Rents here are pretty cheap by compairson. You can get a pretty decent room for $70 - 100 here.

In ode to stupid girl I've composed the top 5 ways to get more money:

1. According to 20/20 there are actually people that think they're vampires, right here on our fair shores. Find them, blood for money.

2. Sell your stuff. People love random crap. Fruit shaped like celebs? You're on to a winner.

3. Drug testing. There are advertisments for this in the news all the time and I've even found them on student job search. They tested LSD on volunteers , who know you might be on to something. The flip side of that is get people to pay you for clean urine to be used for drug tests they may have to take. Workplaces, gyms, you'll be rolling in it.

4. Get sent to prison. This may not do wonders for your future career prospects but hey! it reduces your living expenses and you can even study in prison.

5. Personal complement. Low self-esteem. Why not hire a poor student. Your bum looks great in that! That cream bun will not go straight to your thighs.

Quote of the day

2009-08-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

I must, before quoting provide some context. This is what good little journalists do. Good journalists should also know SOME general knowledge eg colours. Just like the one next to me in class who didn't actually know who to use an ' . It's nice to know we are well and comprehensively trained. That statement also feels like a Tui Billboard.

Again, i digress. Andrei is wearing a shirt with a unicorn sitting in what I presume to be water. Except the wording on the shirt says "horse".

"It's not a unicorn, it's a horse with a strap-on"

[Today: Noodles, soup sachets, kiwi fruit. No milk left]

I'm a people person, but......

2009-08-29T22:21:00.000-07:00

Food update: hungry. Lots of rice involved. Mince and pasta tonight - not spag bol because tomatoes ran out days ago. Noodles tomorrow me thinks. I hate instant noodles.

Anyway, I like to think I have some tact, I like to think I have atleast some social skills. Some people however, do not or very seldom use them. There are two kinds of social-skillless people - those who have never learnt them (parenting, some sort of illness or maybe they just wanted to toe the line) and those who fail to put them into practice. In the latter case they make me feel somewhat good about myself.

Situation: at gig at nice bar. Female xxxxxxxxxxx (Weasel knows them, and no that isn't the right amout of x's - I will not make that mistake) was taking photos of the preformer. Insted of saying hello or making polite small talk which is one is inclined to do when they know each other but not that well they said "are you f---ing drunk?". This is not something I would say. And i especially hope it wasn't like a "because I am too" question because she had a camera and a flash unit which if broken would make my heart cry blood.

I digress, then there was other departmental female xxxxxxxxxx (again incorrect x numbers) that told me I should go to the night in question in the first place. On arrival a young man pauses to photograph me, in which she runs in to grab me and pose. And fails to aknowledge me again...the whole night. When one encourages someone to attend something it may be common (or prehaps not?) to make atleast social chit-chat with them?

Or am I prehaps wrong and very old fashioned? I have come to the conclusion that i need to be meaner. In the case of some people I do not struggle to do this, I think I may have to extend it to all humanity. Failing that open my own Miss Erica-May manners school which i shall rule over with a gloved fist.

Which? You decide

I am starving

2009-08-27T21:06:00.000-07:00

Breakfast: stale bread with cheese and expired ham. mmmm

Lunch: bowl of rice.

Dinner: going to be leftover sausage pasta mmm.

This starvation will all be worth it when I get my degree and I'm headhunted for a job.

Why do I feel like that should be Tui billboard?

Still haven't been shopping yet. Car needs oil.

Sneeky feelings

2009-08-27T00:10:00.000-07:00

WE NOW INTERRUPT THIS BLOG UPDATE: it's day 2 of the use all food project [tentitivly titled food/faith project] Last night split pea dahl & rice (alot of leftovers) and free student lunch today. Dinner at CanTeen (the society not the place) and they gave me more to add to leftover pile. Tomorrow = sausage rice surprise leftover special. From then, who knows? What I do know is that I'll be keeping you posted.

BACK TO OUR SCHEDULED BLOG -

I've written before about the past time of social network stalking, especially ex stalking (cmon everybody does it)

I had a bit of a moment, just a few minutes ago. I was a on a friends page, not a very good friend, actually he used to boarderline stalk me (but that's another story) and I saw in his friends box a girl who had a display picture with my what looked like my ex boy in it. It was like I was a robot, or possesed, or a crazy ex. But you guessed it people, I clicked anyway.

Let's give this story abit of background. I and, shall we call him le carrot dated for maybe 3 months... 2 and a half years ago. And that was fine, after the intial awkward time because we lived in the same hall of residence. We got over it, I got over it. I got other boyfriends. I got engaged. But I clicked anyway...

He has a girlfriend, her page wasn't secure so i could view it and it's true. He even called her 'babe' (fingers down throat moment). You know what I mean. Ok so it's a double standard on my part, it's pretty legit get another other half , it's a fact of life. There's all these questions - is she prettier? do his friends like her more? Why is going out with her, he never goes out with anyone?

Is this normal? Do other people feel this way? Should exs be banned from Facebook?

Though I did have the slightly smarmy feeling when posting my relationship status as 'engaged' and him posting a comment. And I do have a pretty ring, and Kieran doesn't have what was commonly titled by many of my friends as "shit locks" lazy mans dreadlocks [read: 3 dreadlocks that occur when one does not brush his hair] and Kieran doesn't spend our going to the zoo money on smokes.

I'm feeling better already.......

Food, Food glorious food

2009-08-25T17:22:00.000-07:00

I've just had to stop myself for a second there, at risk of typing what is in my brain. I stopped myself typing my own bank account details. I know all the jazz about it being dangerous and money stealing et al but even if they were to do this (which i'm sure would be rediculously easy) they would have nothing to steal. Infact it might even be preferable, they would take hold of my account. And my debt. If it was acual money they wanted, it would come in once a week for just long enough to be able to catch it's breath. Before being zapped for my rent. Fools.

So what I'm trying to say, is that I have very little money. Infact, I own $507 debt. This is not even suppost to be possible, because my over draft is only $500. I digress. This fact, I thought in my brain calls for some sort of game. The game goes something like this: money is required for food, when one has money (and reqires food) they go to the market(super or otherwise) to purchase food. I have not had that experaince in one and a half weeks. It's the lets-see-what-I-can-eat- that-I-have-in-my-home game. So i'm poised, and you as readers should be too. For an array of interesting food releated blog posts. I sense some interesting and slightly nutritionally desolate meals to come.

Watch this space...

Brrrr it's cold here

2009-08-25T14:49:00.000-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that shops are meanies. As you may have noticed, spring fashion is out in stores. But very seldom is spring weather in real life. Little shorts, cotton dresses, maxi dresses, vests, linen. All wasted. Today I am wearing (at the risk of sounding like a deranged chat-line lady) chucks, warm socks, jeans, long sleeved & kidney covering top (my parents were staunch on the kidney covering rule, i'm no doctor but I'm sure one doesn't get kidney disease by riding up tops) a thick wool scarf and a coat...In doors.
Aside from the one carrot huded scary chick at tech (who wore shorts and slip on shoes on a snow day) everyone else wears similar attire give or take abit.

Well, flights to Fiji have hit a all time low $269 each way. Keen.

The big P

2009-08-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

I am procrastinating. This rabbit is not Batman. He may bite if faced with the prospect of that hat, or eat it.

Lets be fwends!

2009-08-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

Sme people are just cool. I like to think I am one of these few and far between inderviduals. Thought, sadly this may be a oversight on my part. Some people just have this sort of charisma, the gift of the gab, the tingle in their fingers, tingle in their toes. My friend Helen has the gabbing gift that I quite often lack. She's kissed the Blarney stone, so there is hope for me yet. Or to be one of those people that when they say something everyone just laughs. Even though it's not really funny. I met one of those people today. School Girl, most likely about 17 or 18 years old. But i had this urge to be her friend. She was just so funny. Everyone knew it and everyone expected it. I had my fist to that. I do, however own a book about how to make social chit-chat in all situations. Purchased of course, as always with my 25% work discount

As many of you will not know (because it's not something I frequently publicise) but I love The Princess Bride movie. Best...quote....ever

Blah

2009-08-23T19:04:00.001-07:00

NB: I'm engaged. And also out of blogging ideas.

Blah

2009-08-23T19:04:00.000-07:00

NB: I'm engaged. And also out of blogging ideas.

Party party

2009-08-18T17:58:00.000-07:00

I raged, I partied, I rioted.... I lied.

Last night I had two glasses of wine. Granted, it was free wine, which is the best kind of wine there is.

Last night I thought I had a work meeting. Joy crossed my face, when i realised that it was actually a confrence.

With free drinks, food and goodbags! However, there's no such thing as a free lunch. There's always a catch. In this case a awesome catch.
All I had to do was a watch a 50 minute presentation, complete with video clips. I gave me time to finish my wine. Easy peasy.

The hosts were the classic male/female balance. I especially admired the nice looking man. He had a sauveness that I one day hope to emulate. It really made me half believe what he said. Every one of their clients were "top selling" and anything he said with a pause after it, everyone laughed.

I wonder what type self-help book he used? I do get 25% discount and all.

The giftbags, primo awesome! We all decended, flying, swapping and commenting.

Evem better when I got home, boyfriend had cooked tea and had invited friends. No effort on my part!

Mostly the best

2009-08-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

What's better than going to Bluff?
(And don't say almost anything in the world. Because sarcasm is the lowest form of humour)

Going to Bluff on a motorbike! Yes, while the rest of my generation (circa 89) go out, have random hookups and take P; I'm in Bluff.

As a connect group my pals and I journeyed to the end of the world in yesterday evening with no purpose at all except eat.

When I asked the boyfriend if he wished to accompany us he replied "so what are we going to do down there, just eat fish and chips?"

Heck yes we are! (Turns out they didn't even have any oysters)

Anyhow, I rode on the back of Mister-almost-identical-name-to-I's bike and all the time simultaniously enjoyed it and imagined what The Times would write for my eulogy.

Other noteable occurances on the the magical journey were:

* more people in the fish & chip shop than in their full history.
*Car follow the leader
*Eating fish & chips of the bonnet of a car, by torch light
*Friend almost breaking iconic sign
*Dance fighting
*Finally seeing where dog island is (Same name as best playstation game EVER)

Happiness, is eating a jam wrap on top of Bluff Hill.

Hi, my name's Erica and I'm a....

2009-08-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

I admit it, I'm an addict. I'll have to stand up in a meeting, with fellow addicts and face my fears and say. I'm Erica and I'm addicted to post-it notes.

Sad isn't it. They had always been cool and interesting, if not expensive. Untill 2 weeks ago where I stumbled upon the mother load sweet score, 97c little post-it tabs in 3 differant colours with little squiggly designs on them. I brought no less than 3 packs.

Then smaller-of-the-tutor-trio. (I was tempted to google, then link a photo, but now our department knows blogs aren't private) put down a box with the wonderous heading "free too a good home". Like a vulture who has just spotted a small child we waited then dived in.

I had, for the 2nd time in 2 weeks hit the mother load of stationary.

My post-it collection now comprises of:

* 3 x packs of small coloured sqiggly line ones

*numerous packs post-it flags for indicating interesting tit-bits in textbooks

*1 x purple note stack, regular size

*Fluro yellow stack, small size

* THE BEST OF ALL a post-it note holder and storer.

Come to think of it, there are heart and star shaped ones at work, and I do get 25% off.
TTFN, off to the stationary store.

I could even do what this this
awesome specimen of a person did ->

Oh bother

2009-08-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

Isn't it frustrating that everybody seems so tied to their phones but when you really need to call them, right this moment for a deadline they seemed to have fallen off the face of the world.

In other news, the boy is away for the night. So I can do whatever I want. But I probably won't.

Nom Nom Nom Face cake

2009-08-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

As an add on to the post about too much self-esteem I've found that it gets worse.

You can be up yourself with FOOD.

Why not make a wedding cake of yourself?

Or upon making flicking through a wedding magazine over breakfast they give the suggestion that 'why not make cameo style cookies of you and your husband'.

Really why not? Because everyone wants to see their face in icing.

On a better note, See this wonderful cake ------->

To do list...

2009-08-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Cool People I know I thought I may write a list of things I hope to do in my life. Call it Bucket List or what you will.

The further the list goes, the less it is in order. So no order really.

1. Be more greatful (I know the theories but I never put them into practice.
2. Go to France
3. Speak fluent French in France
4. Have a 50th Wedding anniversary
5. Have well behaved children
6. Walk the Great Wall of China
7. Go to a prestigious university
8. Feel sucessful at my school reunions
9. Go to places in song lyrics - take a photo at each
10. Do something worth writing a book about
11. Stand under a waterfall
12. Dive into a pool fully clothed
13. Buy more cocktails
14. Swim with dolphins
15. Go Scuba diving on a coral reef
16. Have a great story to tell my grandkids
17. Get a mentor
18. Get asked to be somebodies mentor
19. Eat fresh fruit, not sneeky overseas, wrong season here fruit.
20. Have a midlife crisis and run a marathon
21. Do a crazy fun job

More to come....

You suck!

2009-08-09T14:51:00.000-07:00

This post starts much the same way as many converstations which your grandma.
In my day...

[We walked 10km in the snow to school barfoot, where the teachers were able to beat us with sticks/canes/knives/rulers when they weren't making us learn the 10,000000001 times tables]
That'sbesidethepointhowever.

People used to have low self-esteem.
There used to be Project K to help youngesters with their self-confidence issues, making friends, life skills et al.

Kids used to [genuinely] feel bad about themselves. There is still, however, drama queens and they make me equally as mad.

Some young people just need to be pulled down a notch.

They are everywhere, these kids to have been told they can do anything, be anyone, that they're special, awesome, differant, unique and should accumulate as much self-confidence as possible.

Well i'm here to tell you that you're NOT special.
You're just the same as everyone.

It should be mandatory for schools to seek out these kids and focus on them putting down more often.
We had a gem of an art teacher who upon walking into out art history class, informed several young ladies that their fake tans were so putrid that they looked like pumpkins.

For example - young ladies all about the town shopping, not even shopping, browsing. Browsing is where you pick up EVERYTHING but by nothing. I just want to get past them on the street or in the shop, but no. I have clearly infringed on their 'coolness' rights. I get the glare. Because obviously I am in a subordinate to their barriage of cool.
Well guess what -

You shouldn't have gone for a large starbucks, your bum does look big in that, and did a blind hairdresser do your hair streaks.
There I said it, and a feel alot better now.

Then it's the jobs thing - Yes I may have a service job but that does not make me your inferior, it makes a contributing member of society. I have bills dammit. And one day you will too, if you ever leave home.

It's enough to make you actually say the things you think in your head.

What is up?

2009-08-04T18:20:00.000-07:00

I must admit, that this post was inspired in part about a post I read the other about the very impressive and slightly time consuming blog stalking.

Good effort One Fine Weasel

Social networking is about keeping up with friends.

That's what social networking is about right?

Wrong, social networking is about stalking people.

In the old days people called get 'keeping abreast' or 'keeping up with the play' with the lives of their friends and neighbours.

I prefer the term stalking. However, it's generally not the 'crazy eyes' or the cases we see on the television news. (just as a side point, please please never search crazy eyes on google images)

It all starts fairly innocently, you log to facebook/myspace/bebo [insert your obscure choice here] for what you think may be a 5 minute check, turns into HOURS.

Then as you check you startup page, you start wondering what Phil/Matt/samantha is up to then what their friends are up to, then who the friends of friends are up, the who the friends friends mother's are up to which in turn creates a horrible vortex flow on effect. (What an impressive run on sentence that was)

And then there is the potential for the ever present social gaff, the dreaded ex 'situation'. The internet is like the worst thing for exs and doomed-to-be-forever crushes. It used to be the only thing you had to worry about was seeing them on the street but now there are a miriad of ways to get the wonderful 'i wish the ground would open up and swallow me up' feeling.

There's the old-hat methods of drunk texting/calling but NOW there's also drunk facebooking which has the two pronged effect of either making you leave cringeworthy messages or over-checking their page.

Now you can find out exs numbers, relationship status, what parties they've been at and read their comments. Funnily enough that doesn't make you feel any better about the breakup. (unless they've now became unemployed and simultaneously contracted strange facial warts)

I must love you and leave you now,

P.s is anyone stalking my blog. Not counting George (because she has to) and prehaps Robyn (because we're in the same class) I'd love you know about it.

P.P.S Any funny stalking experinces?

Back seaters

2009-08-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

You may be surprised to find out I do not have a proper drivers licence. I'm almost hitting the big 2 1 and I am still have a little yellow sign.

On the (rare) occasions I do drive with my family my brother always thinks he knows best. Except... he's 13 (and this was 3 years ago).

Right, so a 10 year old knows how to drive better than me? That really grinds my gears. (to steal a phrase) I hate the proverbial back seat drivers.

From comments on a news site from people that seem to know better than the government/police/ect ect to people that try and give you tips on things they know nothing about.

The backseat driver today is about (the bain of my life) teeline shorthand.
Teeline shorthand is a beast, created by the devil, I swear. Thanks backseat driver, it's nothing like guitar playing or your singing exam.

Have you had any experiences with the backseat driver. Please share.

Cellular phones

2009-08-02T18:08:00.000-07:00

Or prehaps this post should be titled "ways to use technology to make me hate you"

I've heard it said that cell phones are the only things a man will brag that he has the smallest one.

Cell phones just get on my nerves to be honest (or tbh, if you're a Miley fan, use msn and think bebo iz *so* the Kewlest thing eva ^-^ In other words 13 years old) Using such abbrivations that's the first way to make me hate you. WTMMHU if you must shorten things.

There's always one person, who upon the purchase of a new mobile telephone will (painfully) test out all the ring and message tones. Nice. Way #2

And that's not all, there's the boasting. "Oh my cellphone has a mp3 player/camera/keyboard/Taser/hologram/pancake flipper/solarpowered cow caller/FLIPPING USELESS PIECE OF CRAP.

The gadgets aren't even that good. "ooh i've got a 2 megapixels on my phone." God, it's not 1997. Get a camera and you can have photos can be printed without people looking like they've watched the videotape off The Ring.
I've got a perfectly fine ipod I can listen to when I want music. It's 8gig, not 512mb.

I understand there is some sort of advantags to having all the things you use in one small gadget.
But I'm happy, quite happy in having my ipod as my music player and my phone to text and call.

I've always found the most flashly phones break in the shortest amount of time.

I don't want to pass on your "friendship tag/cuddle/kiss" - infact anyone who sends me such messages can expect to be removed from my friendship list. #3

Likewise, "Hi" the single word text message is not something I will reply to. What do you say back to that? "Hi" ? then the conversation will go absolutly flipping nowhere. #4

In the same vein is the message "What's up, i'm bored" - because that makes me feel REAL good knowing I am somewhat of a last resort entertainment. #5

That's probably what the person in the photo does. What a kool cat she is.

Blogworthy news

2009-07-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

Well, recently I became a mother. If you just started rushing out to get cards and gifts by all means keep rushing (especially the gifts). BUT it was to a baby rabbit.

Some of the responsibilities are the same - cleaning, caring, cuddling et al. However, I was slightly confused when the man of the house arrived home with a form he was made to sign before taking bunny home. It's a rabbit, I used to breed them. Back in the day you could just buy one, then transport it home. No forms, no signing nessasary.

When has made me wonder, why do parents get away so easily? I'm pretty sure the hospital doesn't screeds of paper for parents to sign.

Lets try it, really lets. Because some people quite frankly shouldn't be able to keep children.
It's just sick. Children aren't pets, they aren't to be kept in cages not should they be subjected to treatments you wouldn't subject your dog to.

I grab one of my friendly local newspapers (Otago Daily + Southland times) and there it is - a pregnant woman who beat her son so badly he had internal ear bruising. She's complaining because she has 6 kids to a fomer husband and pregant to another person. Well here's a thought..

Keep your legs closed next time.

Also on my regular news check stuff.co.nz - the headline Doped-up mum’s road picnic with kids
Doped up on valium? 2 children, On methadone programme since 1995, really good mix.

"She sat down to eat with the children on the median strip, causing concerned McDonald's staff to call the police."

And then there's the other recent case of a German girl, who according to a tip-off may have been locked up for 9 years.

I'm no supernanny, but locking your kids away? You may have some things to learn.

So everyone, you may rest safe at night knowing that I have legally agreed to care for my pet correctly. Pity some parents didn't get the memo.

http://tiny.cc/2hRnd
http://tiny.cc/ZKceF

Sharing is caring

2009-07-28T18:19:00.000-07:00

I've got a confession to make, I'm boring.

There I said it.

31? 31?

I only have 31 followers.

31 people people think I am interesting enough to subscribe to my tweets.

I had 45.

I more I lose people, the less motivation I have to tweet.

I mean I don't want to be too general "just hanging out" "watching tv"

Flip, but I don't want to be too neiche.

As with my previous post on Verbalis diarreais, some people (and we all know someone) who discloses way to much. And twitter just gives them an excuse to do this...on the internet.

Should I just send my twitter acount to the big cyber graveyard in the sky?

Any sugestions on getting to be more interesting

http://tiny.cc/OMLYy

It's all lie, lies I tell you

2009-07-27T18:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people really make things up, but pretend they didn't.
What they think is a foolproof excuse, actually just insults your intellegence.
It must've happened to you..

I didn't forget about you (oh really?)
I've been meaning to call you (as above)
I was just thinking about you (oh really? just trying to telepathically transmit the email you haven't sent me)
I'll just take your number again (bull you have my number)
What's your last name again? (I don't even know what he was trying to achieve with that one?)
I was just hanging out with them
No, no, of course we're not involved (you just decided to go over to their house at 7 am to say hello, then leave shortly after. And co-incidently didn't change your clothes that morning?)

More to come. Has this ever happen to you?

Breaking up is so very hard to do

2009-07-26T18:13:00.000-07:00

So, a girl (namely me) walks into a framing store. To look for a frame or a quote and the like.

The staff member gives a polite hello, to which I reply hello. Then I hear a less than polite "hello?" to which I look up to. It's an ex boyfs flatmate.

Does he really think he has the right to demand my attention in the same way a friend would.

My answer is no.

My logic is break up with the boy, break up with the friends.

Unless of course you have the friends first, or you have something more in common than the boy in question.

In this case, we never talked unless I was around at their house.

So no (metaphorical) love lost really.

Anyone else got an akward face off you'd like to share?

What are your rules?

This just in

2009-07-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

STOP THE PRESS!
Change the layout of the front page.
Reshuffle the story order.
Send out the journalists.

Sienna Miller burnt her cleavage.

Oh cruel cruel world.

Tv 3 news last night ran the thrilling item on the topic of Miss Millers bust.

Don'tget razzed, I do know my news values. And there is a place for TMZ, NW. But please don't take my news.

Please.

This is for you random idiot

2009-07-21T18:48:00.000-07:00

Somepeople are not too bright.

So, the flat is having problems with the wireless internet. It's whoosh so problems are nothing new. (This is a company where the customer knows the problem before the person on the end of the phone, and the company denies that they have acess in that city despite the person being a customer for 2 years)

We try search for our network. Insted we find a network called "[Female first name's]computer".

Someone wouldn't be as stupid as to put their username and password as the same thing would they?

Oh yes they would.

That's one level below not even securing at all.

Fools.

http://tiny.cc/cSt6Z

We didn't need to know that

2009-07-21T16:24:00.000-07:00

Forget swine flu, the worse disease doing the rounds is actually verbal diarrhea.

Verbal diarrhea v. From the latin words Verbalis diarrheais

Over-zestuous (often inappropriate) statements about ones personal life.
Symptoms of Verbalis diarreais: Blank looks from co-workers, social alienation and gossip.
Particularly prevelent (although no limited to) intoxicated persons.

We all have our confidents - close friends we can share our dirty little secrets with.

But WE do not need to know about your nasty fetishes, your sexual tendancies, or who you slept with in the weekend.

Anyone who has ever taken communications (many degree programmes) will now that communication can't be taken back.

The work place is somewhere we all want friends, but telling your co-workers (or in my case classmates) isn't the way to get them.

If we overheard you waxing lyrical about your what you like the bedroom it's not going to be forgotton.

There's "don't screw the crew" as a catch phrase - Any ideas for a over-personal confession one?

They can't take that away from us

2009-07-20T15:29:00.000-07:00

I've got a joke for you.

When is juice not really juice?

When it actually contains no fruit.

Are you as angry as I am?

What's worse about this situation is that the juice what being sold in organic stores.

During a recession many things are taken away. Jobs, holidays, new cars. Please take anything but don't take away our juice.

Where would we be without the sweet nectar to quench our thirst after a rousing game of hacky or the long day after a long night out.

What will be next? Bags of carrots containing no products derived from carrots? Fake meat for everyone? Chocolate with no coco mass (no wait that's already happened.)

What is the world coming to....

Any photos of crazy substitute products welcome.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/food-wine/2611294/Juice-found-to-contain-no-fruit

If i wanted a farm i'd be a damn farmer

2009-07-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

Like many gen-Yers I have a facebook account. I post, I comment, chat. I will not degrade myself, however to gaming.

For those not on the wonder that is facebook, there a variety of games where you can be the mafia, pets, farmer or a fish or anything.

Here, any unfortunate FML about my 2nd most loathed app Mafia wars:

"Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML"

Likewise is farm town. Just leave me along alright? I don't want a chicken or a palm tree for my farm. The only sort of chicken I want is a nice big one with roast vege. If I wanted a tree (I'm not blessed with the gardening gene) I'd go and buy one from the garden centre and it would most likely promptly die.

I like cyber space. But I'm not THAT obsessed.

THIS JUST IN: Farmtown can not be found on facebook, bless. That's the best thing I've heard all day.

http://ontheweb.kimvallee.com/2009/03/farm-town-on-facebook/

I AM SO PISSED ABOUT MY FARM WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE DID IT GOOOOO!!!! I JUST GOT TALK OF THE TOWN!!!!! I AM REALLY SAD!!!!!!

On another internet note:
Anyone on second life? I've heard of it, but don't really know that much. Is is just like a better version of The Sims?

The name game

2009-07-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

Remember the scene in The Simpsons where Marge and Homer are deciding to name Bart? Bad things that rhyme with Bart (And I know you're all thinking a word starting with F huh?) and the things people might bully him about it?

It should be mandatory for all parents to do that.

I mean it would really it would save a lot of therapy or deed poll fees later in life.

The case of Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii and Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 are just mean.

Forms just don't have that many boxes.

Then there are the names that really that fall under the "how could you be so stupid" catagory.

Dick Assman

Ima Hogg

Urban Shocker

It's enough to make you book resevations under the name John

Or anything that comes under "they loved him so much they named him twice" See anything like donovan O' Donovan

Lastly, and most a situation i've experianced myself. The gender unspecific name.

Tracy Hicks.... Go go google. Not the middle aged woman I thought. But a MAN with a mostache...

No wonder HE didn't email me back.